Looking for my true self
This road towards my true self and my passions is incredibly beautiful. I’m discovering myself with brand new and genuine eyes. For too long, I’ve worn some sunglasses. Everything was darker than it really was. I’ve decided to take my glasses off and see with my own eyes. Everything, I do, I did and will do seems so much different.
Those glasses were so dark and I couldn’t see clear. They were heavy on my nose and made me look down at my shoes. They made me believe I couldn’t be great and I couldn’t shine. But that’s not true. It’s not because everybody is wearing sunglasses that I cannot be my true self. What are those sunglasses to me ? They are those negatives thoughts, people’s criticism and fear in general that prevented me to dream and pursue my passions.
Even if it’s hard, even if I’m depressed sometimes , I feel desperate and even if I feel lost, I’m enjoying every moment of the process. I knew that the road would be long so I’d better enjoy it than loathe it. It’s an insecure feeling though.
I feel like I’m in front of a present with a thick wrapping paper and I have to scratch to open it. I know that I will love what I’m going to find and it is going to take my breath away. I don’t say that anybody will see the beauty of my discovery. From my point of view, it is going be a revelation. My true self and my passions have been living with me during my whole my life. It’s a real enlightening journey for me where I try to connect with my emotions and feeling. Everything I do, hear, touch, experience seems different now. I always wonder if I like something and analyze it.
Connecting to emotions
Constantly in my process of self discovery, anywhere in the street, in the subway, when taking shower, I keep analyzing my past experiences. I’m collecting hints about myself. Sometimes, I remember I did this and that. I wonder : “Why did I do it ? Was it because everybody did it ? How did I feel when I was doing it ? Why did I stop ?”
All the time, I try to point out when in my life I felt great or felt terrible. These are the clues to who I am what made me feel alive. I’m an insecure person with low confidence but at the same time I’m strong and resilient. Once I know what I want, I always get it. This time, I want to know myself, what I love, what I’m passionate about, why I want to wake up everyday and what my heart will beat for.
I’m getting closer everyday. Almost there I can feel it !