How did I wake up from sleepwalking

Sleepwalkers

What do I mean by sleepwalking ? I don’t actually sleepwalk at night. :-p
It’s a reference to that excellent post from Personal Excellence. When I read, it stroke me. I encourage you to read it. Really !

The sleepwalkers are people who are not actively pursuing their dreams and their life purpose, who don’t have a clarity about the direction to give to their life.
How to spot if you are sleepwalker :

• You are having some meaningless activities : watching TV/drama, surfing, partying, playing games, complaining…
• You live according to other’s expectations,
• Week after week, you are looking forward to weekends ,
• You are not motivated,
• You don’t have a clear goal in life.

Me, sleepwalking

For a long time, I was complaining about my work, about the fact that I had no exciting activities on weekends, about my unfulfilling friendships. But I did nothing to improve it. At work, I was executing the same meaningless task on a daily basis. I couldn’t imagine myself 5 or 10 years from now in the same career. After work, I was either stuck in my couch watching TV/drama or either going out drinking/partying or surfing on the web for long hours till 2 AM every night. Despite the fact that my job was boring and non-motivating I was working a lot to achieve the goals that were set for me. In the end of 2012, my team went through some very stressing and intense months. My manager was very satisfied with my job and I even had a bonus for my great achievements.

Wakeup call

But in the beginning of 2013, I felt that was something wrong about my health. I had very serious symptoms : cardiac problems, fatigue, trembling fingers. Actually, I already knew those symptoms. My hyperthyroid stroke back. (Just some information about hyperthyroidism). I had a treatment for this problem 3 years ago. The symptoms were much lighter. This time it was no joke. A doctor advised me to undergo a surgery to have my thyroid removed. I didn’t agree to this procedure. Numerous research proved that stress can interfere with thyroid. It was like a wakeup call for me. I couldn’t let my work affect my health. Especially, by a job that I disliked. I had to slow down at work. I was depressed, stressed for my health and didn’t know what do in my situation. I grew more and more anxious. I couldn’t wake up to go to work and couldn’t sleep at night.

It took me six months before I could put some words on my discomfort. Six months to realize that I didn’t want to continue in that IT career. Last year in September, I was on vacation in Andalusia with my future husband. I was relaxing and visiting the gorgeous cities and eating tapas everyday. When for no reason, I had a brief thought about my work. It was just for a second. But I felt that my body suddenly stiffened and got tensed. My body expressed my stress. I understood how my work affected me everyday. It was not normal that just a thought about my work provoked such a strong reaction in me. I could not accept to stay in a job that was making stressed and worsening my disease.

First Step

When I got back to work, I told my manager I wanted to change my career. So, I no longer wanted to continue. I felt so relieved that I said those words. I knew it was only the first step on a long road. I felt courageous, bold and confident when I took this decision. I chose a new and different path. I decided to change my career and work upon it. Now, I’m not sleepwalking anymore. I’ve decided to pursue my dreams and my passions. But first, I have to discover them. I’ll talk about that topic in another post. It was my first step towards my dreams. 🙂