My mission : discover myself

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Looking for who I am

For a long time, I’ve been unsatisfied with my job. That frustration grew deeper and stronger, I was just living my frustration in many aspects of my life. I wanted to change and be more fulfilled by finding my perfect job/career, a job that would fit me and ultimately “make my passion my job”.
The questions behind those goals are:
• What is my perfect career/job ?
• What would be a job that would fit to who I am ?
• How can I make my passions my job ?
• What are my passions?
• What are my dreams?
• What are my strengths/weaknesses?
• What do I want?
• Who am I ?
I didn’t know any of the answers. I had to know myself better to find them.
It turns out that not only I didn’t know what my perfect job was but I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know my strength/my weakness and my dreams. I was surprised to understand I was ignoring myself. I was a stranger to myself. I felt empty not knowing who this person in the mirror was. I’ve spent my whole life along with myself. I realize I didn’t have a clue about who I truly was. I’ve never taken time to step back from myself to have a broader view and analyze. I didn’t have any clarity on myself and my own life.

Other people’s purpose

For many years, I was only caught in the pursuit of goals that was set for me : I must graduate from a great university, I must find a well paid job. The recipe for happiness seemed simple to me : more money, fun friends, big house, good salary, loving spouse, supporting family….I kinda achieved the recipe for happiness but I wasn’t happy as I expected. It wasn’t working for me. I wanted to be fulfilled and more than that I was looking for meaning in my life.

Not only I had to know myself better, but part of the work is to clear and let go the other people’s purpose that I have integrated as part of my beliefs.
Do I really think that it is important
– to be rich?
– to buy big house?
– to be the best?
– to succeed?
– to have a retirement?
Or maybe other people think it’s important. I wanted so hard to fit in that I have integrated this idea as mine. When I decided to look in the mirror and discover myself, I just didn’t know anymore what beliefs were mine and what beliefs were other people’s opinion living in my brain.

How come I’ve lost track of myself

I was raised with the strong rule that I “have to listen” to what my parents and family told me to do and be obedient. I shouldn’t talk back and give my opinion because it was considered very rude.
My parents was constantly comparing me to my cousins and their friends’ daughters. “Look, how smart/hardworking/helpful/obedient she is…. if only you were more like her”. I think, this is the source of my half empty cup syndrome originated from.
I wanted to be successful, I wanted people to be proud of me, I wanted to be the best at what I do. But actually, I was unhappy even though I had a good job, I had friends, I had a family… It was never enough.
Like many people I guess, I thought that once I would have a well paid and good reputation job I would finally feel more fulfilled. For my whole life, I’ve tried so hard to fit in my Chinese traditional family, to fit in my French work, to fit in my friend’s world that I’ve lost myself. I didn’t listened to my needs, didn’t allow myself to dream, it was all about fitting in the social requirements.
What about the Happy Anna? I was forgetting that I had needs, I existed and I had dreams. I had this belief that my parents put in my brain that thinking about myself is selfish, taking time for myself is selfish… Is being happy selfish too ? How can I be a good daughter/friend/wife/employee if deep down I’m a frustrated/lost/unhappy/unsatisfied person?

Why do you try so hard to fit in when you’re born to stand out

My mission : discover myself

My tools : self development, meditation, do what I love more, experiment, not holding myself back, reach out of my comfort zone, ready to discover myself, long retreat to reconnect with myself, listen to my guts, introspection, explore my subconscious, morning pages. The answer is within me : in my life path, my memories, my story, what I did before, my emotion and my sensation.
I’m the only one who can achieve this mission.I will decrypt all the clues and connect the dots.

Today I want to choose consciously my goals and my purpose. I want to know what resonates in me, what I love and not what people want for me. I am taking responsibility for my life. This is how I want to be fulfilled. I choose to live the life I design and let go the fear of not fitting in, of not being good enough and being different. It’s my life, my choice, my dream and my purpose. My only fear would be to live someone’s else life.

How about you, do you know what your passions are ? How much do you know about yourself ? Are you ready to meet yourself and connect the dots ?